Last semester I was in a class called "The Future and Ethics of Food" which looked at our relationships with food, the American food system, what's healthy, etc. I enjoyed it significantly more than I thought I would when I had to sign up for my required CORE class. Something I didn't expect to get out of it, though, was a self-reflection at my own relationship with food.
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| You have to go to Cafe Du Monde in New Orleans |
I used to think that I had to workout or do something to "deserve" a dessert or an extra serving of fries. Freshman year of college was especially hard because I went out to eat so much. You can say you are going to stay home and cook most of your meals but even then you still go out 1-3 times a week. My first semester of my freshman year I totally embraced the college lifestyle, not eating healthy, etc. By second semester I was sluggish. I don't weigh myself frequently but I knew I didn't feel great. So when I returned in January I wanted to start running again (I talk about this more in my fitness journey blog post). This was great but I'd still get so nervous going out to eat with friends. "Will they judge me for getting a salad? Will they notice I'm not eating all of the bun of the sandwich? How can I bail without anyone noticing?" I didn't enjoy eating in front of people, I wanted to eat alone. This, I now know, wasn't a healthy behavior.
Another thing that I tried and failed even before college was using the app MyFitnessPal. While it's great for some, it became a negative and obsessive habit for me. If I was over my calories I'd feel so bad about myself. Or I'd eat a smaller breakfast and lunch but then extremely overeat for my afternoon snack/dinner. I wouldn't record it because I'd assume it fit into how many calories I had left for the day. The app is great for some people, but for me it wasn't.
What I learned from reflecting on my experiences with food is that for me the best solution is to listen to my body. Over the past year I've learned that it's "okay" to eat that second bowl of ice cream even if I haven't worked out. I've learned to love the body I am in and use fitness and healthy eating to help me continue to love who I am. It's no longer something I "have" to do, but something I want to do.
Earlier this week my body was tired and exhausted and I took an extra rest day. If you overwork your body you aren't going to get the results you're trying for because it's just trying to recover.
I'm listening to my body on what to eat, too. I made an earlier blog post about going gluten free, which I still try to do during the school week because, like I said, it makes me feel more energized and less bloated, but *just an update* I haven't completely cut it out (I definitely ate 6 pancakes at the Tri Delta pancake event today-- and hey that's okay). I'm not making myself feel guilty for treating myself with food. A brownie here or there isn't going to ruin me.
Listening to my body has taught me so much over the past semester. I am happier and more positive because I don't have to worry so much. My body is strong: I was able to run 10 miles on Saturday, I've biked 40+ miles for BikeMS in 100 degree weather, I've done triathlons. Our bodies should be praised not criticized by our own minds.
Although NEDAwareness week is over I think it's still important to encourage the discussion of positive eating behavior year around. You never know who is affected by an eating disorder. I hope that people begin to recognize the impact it has on people nationwide. Food serves as a tool during social gatherings, as a conversation starter amongst different cultures and creates memories, it shouldn't be a burden.
Listen to your body, don't be too hard on yourself and live in the moment. Having a healthy relationship with food and your body makes all the difference.
Until next time,
Taylor xx
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