thebabyperks

I'm very excited, but also very sad, about this post. This past Saturday was my last Homecoming ever. It's bittersweet to look back on each of my homecomings because they were all so different.

Freshman-Senior Year (2012-2015)

I just wanted to say a huge thank you to all of you. If you haven't been keeping up with my blog go check out my last post here. Thank you for all of your love, support, and own personal testimony. 

It's somewhat funny because I typed that post basically in a daze of emotion and right before I went to small group I told my mom I was going to delete it. I hadn't read what I wrote, and didn't know if any of it made sense. I just wrote and kept going. 

After small group though, I continued to add onto it and decided it wouldn't hurt to post. I ended up publishing it right after 10:00, and if you know me you know I go to bed pretty early. I published it thinking that no one would really read it because I posted late at night (for me) and the only picture in it was of my tweets so I didn't think it would draw much attention.

When I woke up the next morning I woke up to twelve or so messages and freaked out because I had totally forgotten what I did the night before. I sat in my bed for at least five or so minutes reading through everyone's texts, comments, and personal messages. I'm no where near a "big blogger" but I got a glimpse into what it is like to truly impact people. A few people shared their similar struggles and it just reminds me that even if you feel completely alone there is probably someone else who is feeling the same way.

As the past week has gone by I wasn't really sure how to follow up with my next post because I couldn't ignore what I wrote. So I hope this works (this week was also the first layout week for newspaper so I hadn't thought of anything to write about because I was so stressed out). 

Again, I want to thank everyone who left me messages, whether on Facebook on my actual blog or just texts. It's crazy because people who I thought would never have talked to me have this week. That blog post also gave me a little push to analyze my anxiety a little more and realize that it is okay to accept help and I don't have to be alone.

I love you all so much

Until next time,
Taylor xx

I've haven't ever talked about this in fullness before, and the reason I'm doing it here is because there is no way I could've made it through a video talking. I wanted to write something like this for a few months now but I never knew exactly what I wanted to say. But, I got home from school and spent an hour and a half crying my eyes out. 

See, I'm a very closed off person so a lot of the times I can pull myself together on the outside even though I'm crumbling apart on the inside. I always reference in my videos that freshman year was a really bad time in my life when in reality, every.single.year. of high school has been a really hard time. I have battled with some depression and self esteem issues but I've only told a few people about them. This all leads up to today. Today in my marketing class we went to the Cardinal's (Missouri's MLB team) Career Fair, where we learned about how to get into the sports industry marketing wise and some other various tips. So I'm going to complicate things a little bit. Three different school clubs went to this career fair today, but my story only involves two of them, DECA, which I'm a part of, and FBLA. If you know the people in DECA, they are pretty popular, at least in my class. I had a few friends who went to this game with FBLA but they did some different stuff compared to what DECA was going to do. This is where my first problem arose.

We all walked up to Union Station, where we weren't going to eat but everyone wanted to grab some food, even though we got some free food at the game. I didn't buy anything so I sat down with the marketing teacher while everyone else was in line. Two other kids came and sat down with us but they both left around 1/2 way through eating. Then my advisor had to leave and walk around to make sure everyone was where they were supposed to be. So there I was sitting alone at lunch, all of my peers and classmates around me, and no one sat with me or invited me to sit with them. Now, I know what some of you may be thinking, "well she could've asked to sit with people!" Well you obviously don't know how introverted people work, I'm not the best in social situations+I HATE crowds and I get overwhelmed in them, so after spending all morning in the Cardinal's Stadium I was already a little drained. Sitting alone was my first inkling that I should've probably sat at school.

And then we get to the game. All of my FBLA friends were sitting in the row behind us because they had been in the stadium for the past hour while we ate, and I tried to mask my social anxiety. Everyone in DECA wanted to sit with their friends so I moved out of my seat so they could all be together. Then when some people went to go get their free food, I went up to go with them and we had to travel in groups of three so I just tailed on to the backend. I have to give credit to one girl who did try to talk to me and be friendly because the rest of the time I was in the stands no one, again, tried to talk to me or even acknowledged my presence. A group of the DECA girls wanted to get a picture and I was still kind of hanging on to the back end so I got in a photo too, but that's more because they physically couldn't exclude me and be like "we want a photo without you". 

I honestly wanted to burst into tears at the game but I held it together. I actually somewhat left the game with my friends, Rachel and Walter from FBLA, and just walked around looking at the overpriced food because none of us were into the game and I was done with being enveloped in all of this fake-ness.

Here are my tweets from when I got home to show how I felt in the moment

But honestly, what I'm getting at from this long rambling vent-session is that it absolutely sucks to not be included. I don't think I explained the situation enough to give it justice to just how awful I felt at the end of the day. I go through waves of positives and negatives, and today was definitely a "down" day. When I say I went home and cried for an hour and a half I'm not exaggerating. People may also say that I should've tried to make an effort, and I did.

On the flip side, I do have some awesome friends who saw my tweets and who I reached out to individually who reassured me that these people shouldn't make me feel so awful about myself. So thank you to them, you all know who you are.  You all mean more than the world to me.

My last words are this: make everyone feel included because someone, like me, may seem fine on the outside but is completely unraveling on the inside. You never know how your body language and attitude can affect people. And again, this was just a bunch of my rambling but I'm sure I left out some more details. 

Until next time,
Taylor xx

As a senior in high school I have a little bit of knowledge on the topic of high school. Everybody has a different opinion of high school, and I can honestly say I don't love it, however, I still do my best to enjoy it. With all of that being said I  thought I would compile a list of what I would wish to tell my freshman year self and other freshmen currently. I guess I should've posted this before school started but now that I'm back in the swing of things I feel more equipped.

1. Get Involved
I made a YouTube video about this back in April so click here if you would like to watch that. From the moment you walk through your high school's doors they preach to you to get involved. Just do it. It makes high school a little bit less miserable if you have people to share your experiences with. For example, newspaper. We are all a bunch of sarcastic, somewhat-negative people who love to write. I don't know where I'd be without them, and they are definitely one of my favorite (if not my absolute favorite) part of high school.

2. Have a Four Year Plan
Plan out the classes you want to take, it's okay if they change, but at least map out when you want to take your required classes (aka classes you need to graduate). You want to do this so you don't end up like me, taking Personal Finance first hour of first semester, and general music second hour ALL YEAR. I'm glad I waited for personal finance because otherwise I wouldn't have been able to take Intro to Marketing, but I definitely regret waiting to take a fine art. Now I'm stuck learning about the marching french horn and marimba for a year. Get your required classes out of the way so as your high school "career" continues you can take more classes that you actually want to take.

PS: you could also graduate a semester early. I can't do this because I have to get a full year of a fine art. At this point in the school year graduating early sounds beautiful, and we're only 16 days in so...

3. Embrace Change
I'm weird because I hate change. Ever since 8th grade I had determined where I wanted to go to college, which may seem a bit drastic but as many of you know, I'm obsessed with planning. I visited this college back in the fall of last year and could totally see myself there. But then I went on a few more college visits, some places I absolutely hated, but one place I loved a little bit more than my "first college choice". To put it simply, I was conflicted. I knew where I wanted to go to college for 4 years of my life basically and never considered anything different. At Drury, though, I truly felt like I could live there. I haven't officially gotten my acceptance letters for any of the schools I've applied to, I'm expecting them in the next two weeks. However, I feel like Drury is the place I want to spend my time (and money) on. Again, I'll give you all the run down in a future blog post. Overall, just be open to different colleges because you may be set on what you want until you visit another college and realize how much more you love that one.

4. Be Friends With Your Parents
I am super close with my parents, especially my mom, and there is no one better to be friends with then your parents. They are always going to be there for you whether it's with picking classes for next year, bringing you your favorite food when your sick, or just needing someone to talk to. Don't underestimate your parents, they were teenagers once, too.

PS: Don't forget to spend time with them. Go out to lunch with them or go see a movie, do something together because soon you'll be going off to college or the army, or whatever, and you'll want to have those memories.

5. Don't Let The Past Hold You Back
Life happens. Maybe your best friend from middle school ditched you on the first day of high school, or you got cut from a sports team or the musical cast. Don't let any of that affect the rest of your four years. Go find something else you're passionate about and show yourself that what you're doing instead makes you way happier. For example, I didn't make cheerleading freshman year, if you know me you know I could NEVER be a cheerleader. Even thinking about being a cheerleader makes me laugh out loud. I started swimming instead, and even though I was crushed when I didn't make cheer, swim was a way better option (and the team is way more my personality than the cheer team is).

So those are a few of my tips. I felt like I rambled, so I apologize if you guys think I did too. I hope they help some of you, in some shape or form.


Until next time,
Taylor xx